As I sat alone in a dimly lit room, the realization that I would most likely never see the people I love most again crashed over me, and shattered my hope. Overwhelming sadness, hopelessness, and pure terror took over my being. I couldn’t control myself because; I had never in my life felt the way I did just then. Crying until no tears would come and screaming until I lost my voice were my first reactions to the emotions that had come tumbling down on my once happy life. After my first emotional breakdown, tons of questions began to eat away at me. “Why did he pick me? Am I the only one, his first, or his last? Will I and how could I make it out alive and escape this nightmare somehow? How did it even start? What happened?” These questions and more would haunt me for the rest of forever, if I didn’t find the answers. In order to find the answers I desired, I closed my eyes and focused real hard until the picture I was remembering was almost completely clear and no longer fuzzy. I began reliving my worst nightmare, so that I could get the answers I thought I deserved.
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,817 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well..this is quite something here. Before I get into more on the piece itself, I think I'll start by addressing the formatting here. At the moment what we have is a bit of a wall of text here, and that doesn't work out too well here because it is quite difficult to read and while the whole thing is sort of a bunch of thoughts, I think breaking it up a bit would help out with the flow of the piece quite a bit here.
At any rate, moving beyond that for now, these are some very intriguing thoughts here that we get to know of. They certainly seem to speak of some rather intriguing moments here, although some of these are a little harder to fully place, it all seems like thoughts that we can somewhat relate and so it makes this opening that much more powerful.
Overall, I think its a rather powerful and quite emotional piece right here and it comes together to make for a pretty strong opening piece here, so despite the couple of flaws that this piece here does have, I think it still manages to be quite interesting and does make you want to read more of it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
My first suggestion would be to re-write this prologue. It is interesting but I think that experimenting with the structure of bits of information, you could find a much smoother start.
You also need a much stronger first line, I would move 'Why did he pick me?" Right up top, it's a great, instant hook, and sparks many questions for your readers.
Esme's right. There really isn't much to say here other than your description and detail to your main character's emotions where fantastic! I would like to see a chapter one to explain why this poor person (Is it a girl or boy? I guess it's a girl unless your boy cries a lot) is soooo upset. PM so i can read chapter one!
The semicolon was just a typo. lol.
-Morgan
Hi,
Semicolons are stupid, don't use semicolons. Anything that has a period floating above a comma is suspicious.
Anyhow, I honestly don't know what to say - it's just one paragraph. One paragraph that describes the MC's sadness (albeit in a very nice way), and the fact that she "begins to relive her worst nightmare", about which I as the reader have no clue.
And while I liked the writing itself and would love to see a Chapter One, I frankly don't see the point of this Prologue. I found out some about the MC, but wouldn't I do the very same during reading the actual story?
Esme
This is a prologue for a story that I'm currently writing. I wasn't sure about the length, so do you think it should be longer,shorter, or if its okay as is? This is a very rough draft so please keep that in mind, but tear it up.
Thanks ahead of time.